Earlier this year, CNN’s Money Mag named Tysons Corner, Va. as the second best place for rich and single people to live. Now most 20 somethings are part of the 99% who don’t live here, but as a 20 something that is part of the 1% who actually lives here and calls it home , I must say what Money Mag really should have said was that it was the place to just find rich and single people. Tysons is really just about the roads and office buildings. Now, before you start heckling me, how I came to be living surrounded by the million dollar homes is another story, because at the end of the day I do still work and play in D.C.
Of course, when I say Tysons, I literally only mean the mall area, which for all intents and purposes encompasses the Center, Galleria, and Fairfax Square. While the Tysons Corner mailing address may cover a wider region, when you’re talking about finding love, it’s not going to be found anywhere else. If you’re venturing down Gallows and see 7-11, or worse the Dunn Loring Metro, then honey, you’re not in Tysons anymore. Drive too far on Route 7 and you’ll find yourself on a toll road heading towards Dulles.
Now, when it comes to mall love, if you’re looking for a man who you’d describe as ghetto fabulous, I’d recommend Ballston. If you’re looking to find a man who lives on the dangerous side, the Butt Slasher was all about Fairfax, so Fair Oaks is probably the place for you. Tysons is reserved for the classy more upscale kind of man. It is one of those places where you feel the need to look good, which is why you’ll find many dressed in their Sunday best, but with Saturday night-esque attitudes. They’re on the prowl.
It’s a well-known fact that many FedCons have offices in the area. Look across Chain Bridge and Deloitte is the first thing you see. After living here for the past couple months, I can tell you now that Tysons is the perfect place to nab your own federal wonk or a Mr. Resume, if you will (more on this type another day). No more perusing the bars, go find them while they’re still in work mode/attire. Walk around the mall and you’ll spot them just looking for a little something during their lunch break. They’re also looking for a little attention, since they are cramped up in their office all day. You’ll find a plethora of rich and single suits, one of which could be yours, around the food courts or at one of the many restaurants. Remember, you can also always just go to the men’s stores and find them there, but we’ve found it’s a little easier to find more of them closer to food.
Finally, it’s a blessing in disguise that these guys only work here. I have the luxury of playing with them where they live but literally get to escape if things don’t go my way, and go back home where there’s still an abundance of white-collar men. There are no awkward run-ins as no one in Tysons even does a walk of fame, they all drive. It really is just a place where I rest my head at night but also where I know I can find the men who probably think “what recession?” to play with in the city.