Long before 20Something City was around, there was the Butt Slasher.
Now, remember how I told you big butts weren’t a problem? Well I guess I lied. Just having a tushy at all made women a target for Fairfax’s notorious butt slasher. For months, ‘burb girls lived in fear each time they shopped at the Galleria… at any moment, the slasher could creep up, distract them, and then slash their bum with a razor!
A handful of parody twitter accounts popped up and I shared so many jokes about this guy while at the office, but truth be told I avoided the places he had been too. This guy was perusing all the hot spots, and by hot I mean Tysons, but he also found his way to Fair Oaks Mall and various other areas around Fairfax.
A couple of weeks ago I even tweeted about him. I couldn’t fall asleep and for some reason or another I thought about this man. It had been months since I’d heard of anything. A friend sent me an article saying that he had fled the country, which really was an anticlimactic end to this butt slashing story. Was I never to hear about the man who was literally the butt of many of my jokes from this past summer?
Well today my prayers have been answered. I awoke to the joyous news that the VA Butt Slasher has been arrested in Peru!
Remember last May when America rejoiced in the killing of Bin Laden? Obama famously declared, “Justice has been done.” While this is hardly on that scale, an arrest of the man who was terrorizing fellow ‘burb girls is such a relief. We’ve been waiting for justice and now justice has been served.